i would actually like to go on a proper stream of consciousness type of thing with my blog, but i’m pretty sure none of you will read paragraphs of ranting raving and mumblings. which is a shame really!

There’s this problem with blogs, where the relationship can become really one-sided, one person blogs all the time and you feel you know them, but of course they don’t even know you’re reading, let alone how you are – this is where the low-commitment of twitter comes in handy.

But there’s this other aspect of blogging where in fact the blogger (me) only tells extremely select things about themselves or always tries to sound cool or whatever, to the point where it becomes alienating or it just stops.

I said ‘no’ to a date the other week, a couple of them actually. This happens about once a year, some nice (or not-so-nice in some cases) guy asks me out… but it inevitably falls apart at the point where we must find a first date venue. A place that is neutral, a place we can both relax etc… Movies is my first date of choice, or a band if you have established that you both like said band.

Galleries are hard for me because I really can’t walk that long due to stupid foot. standing on the hard floors doesn’t work for me, seeing the art does though.

Gigs terrify me even if i’m with friends even if it’s a venue I know, even if I like the band. Even if I’ve been going to gigs regularly for months. I think it’s because it’s a room full of strangers which unfortunately you’re more likely to interact with somehow than say, a cinema audience. Awkward unintentional eye contact, being sized up as to how you fit in the scene, whether I know you, whether you should be there.. I’m sure most of it is in my head. But it has never gone away in the 18 years of gigging.

I think if I did other things, interacted with other groups at some point I’d get more offers for dates than the current annual offers. But I’ve not found a place i’m comfortable that also offers up lovely lads on a regular basis. it also seems to me that the higher density of lads, the less nice they are. eg. Footy bars… not the nicest lads. Librarian conferences, very nice lads, though few and far between.

But even when I’m asked, unless there’s that neutral space to just be, no pressure, relax.. I may as well just sew my lips shut. or not bother showing up. same difference.

And now we move on to the PRIVACY issues I do so love to jump on regularly… because personal dating sites make Facebook look like a bunch of happy-go-lucky linux developers. What I’m saying is, Dating sites are so evil they make facebook look like fluffy bunnies. And look at who owns these dating sites, and how many more are starting up even fairfax want their own dating site… why? because you will tell them everything about you that is real, and they will profile you and target you for advertising. they have no interest in your future happiness. You could get raped and dumped in a ditch for all they care. as long as they get your dating profile. and it’s a catch-22. classic. if i lie on the dating site then i wont get the man of my dreams, i’ll get some other weirdo. so i have to be completely honest and reveal my heart.

MARKETING COMPANY’S WET DREAM!

And speaking of Marketing companies… Hows about the Labour Party! OMG lets take all the rough edges, human emotions and personality out of our PMs shall we? You too can vote for a PR spokesman, oh no, wait… that’s PM Julia Gillard (the #gingeroverlord). Tony Abbott in comparison can be a complete git and actually SAY you can’t trust anything he say, and still come off the better candidate, because we can relate to him more as a member of the human race than the woman who compromises every one of her convictions at the drop of a hat, in a shiny white suit we’re praying she wont accidentally menstruate in.

On the upside there is a Green member for my electorate, so my voting decision has been made. I get to stick it up the government for sticking it up the Boat People, the Kyoto Protocol, and anyone who uses the internet.

But my preferences will still make sure Abbot goes down the toilet along with the silly bitch they put in my seat who nearly didn’t get the job because her party members didn’t want such an important seat going to a woman.

Bet those party members were sweating in their sleep when a woman became Prime Minister of Australia. Don’t let them fool you kiddies, they attack attack attack and say they don’t like Julia for saying she’s going to “get real” or whatever, but we all learnt this lesson from the Americans. Saying you’re not going to vote for Obama because he has a Muslim middle-name is NOT a convincing cover for that fact that you’re a xenophobic-bigoted-misogynistic-mother-fucker-of-a-lying asshole. Atleast half the shit that’s being thrown ad Gillard is because she’s a woman. Step back, take a look, open your fucking eyes.

And speaking of opening ones fucking eyes. You all know what a fan I am of the iPhone cancermaker, well that was before they made the new one out of an aluminium antenna which you have to touch (ruining reception, and probably amplifying cancer toward your brain) and extremely shatterable glass. I’m sorry it’s butt-fugly. I may have forgotten to mention this in my last post way back when, but by the time they proved that the bloody-thing works less for left-handers, I’d fucking had it. There’s actually a long list of things wrong with this phone. And the funniest bit is how iPhone5 is going to come out in a year or so and it’s magically going to look totally different, not that they’d ever admit they fucked up with this one, but you know, it’s not a mistake they’ll do twice. One would think… they did make the ultra pointless iPad…

Still not going to Android though, I’ll wait for a TRUE open source device such as Linux. Cory Doctorow leads the way here, we don’t want our future devices, which will eventually replace our PCs and laptops to be little boxes of advertising in our pockets. Our ‘cells’ as described by William Gibson back in the early 80s of cyberpunk, which would be little pod things which act as our gateway to the world, holding everything we are within them digitally – we don’t want these things controlled by a company which doesn’t let us put files on it, or our own games, or copies of comic books we got from friends. We want total control of these future PC’s we hold in our pockets. We don’t want their spyware, we don’t want them shooting ads through the air at us, we don’t want them to upgrade the OS every five minutes so we have to buy a new piece of plastic just to be able to load our address book before going senile. We would never let them take our PCs or our laptops, so why are we letting them take our phones???

I know iPhone is against everything i’ve just said here, I’m well aware of that. I was aware of it the moment the phone came out. But above and beyond any other phone on the market they understood User Interface. I don’t want to THINK how to write an SMS i just want to bleeding have it written and sent already. THAT they got right. for a PHONE they got it right… for a future PC/laptop replacement they got it ALL WRONG.

And I think that’s most of the rants I’ve been penting up.

Alain de Botton recently spat the dummy over a very important review of his latest book. Only his coments turned out to be not as private as he’d hoped, and now everyone vaguely interested is glued wide-eyed to the fallout.

Everyone has been in this position at some point in their life, and it will get worse due to the fact that people are expected to share their facebook with all their co-workers/bosses/partners/ex-partners/children/parents.

Previously the internet had been a place where you could create an image of who you were, not necessarily fake, but controlled, the way we don’t put bad photos of ourselves online. This was no different to real life where you choose what you say at work, or to certain friends – you don’t confide everything with them.

Now the line is blurred and we are expected to share everything. our closest confidants we may be communicating to through our blog posts or tweets, rather than the recently devalued (though much more private) email or phone call. We may say in our FB status “god i’m bored, i really hate this job” and some old friend who knows one of your co-workers could pass this along until your boss hears it and you’re hauled into their office ‘for a chat’.

The astonishing thing isn’t that people in the public eye are being caught in this trap. In the past there was a brick wall between the vaguely famous and the public, but the supposed power of the grapevine has drawn many out from that cover, pulled them off their pedestal to a degree, so they’re in the same mess we’re in. The astonishing thing is that Alain de Botton hasn’t written a book about it yet: The erasing of the public and private persona… what is left of us?

You can find my twitter at: http://twitter.com/lushr
(atleast I have more control there, than on facebook of this persona)

things happen like star trek movies and finding great coffee and stuff, but here i feel like i’m too exposed…

EDIT: after some research, soul searching, advice from friends and the fact that my personal details have been removed from the registration of this site I feel more comfortable here. However cos I can’t make it friends only i’ll continue to be a little vague about things like exactly where I work or what car I drive etc. I wish I didn’t have to. But I’d rather be freely available to you all than not.

ALSO: upgrades are coming! you will be able to comment and i will fix the glitches that have appeared. This site is no longer affiliated with LJ, not out of disrespect to LJ, just feeds have taken over most of my friends lives so there’s little need for LJ.

i need a nice quiet anonymous journal to write about the things I enjoy – facebook statuses aren’t enough when i’ve discovered six new bands and bought a heap of cds and have shoes to give away and stories to tell….

email me to find out where my fun personal journal will live which you can comment on and get an rss feed of.

this…. i dont know what i’ll do. maybe just make a gallery of my drawings and other creative endeavours…

SO much going on! but my becoming more and more wary about privacy makes it harder to post. The fact that i cant go out anymore without someone snapping a horrible photo and putting it online and linking it to my ‘online profile’ without ever once consulting me, makes me wish i had gone down the path my best friend took of never uploading images of herself online or ever using her real name, or ever letting herself be photographed… a quick google of me will show you that indeed after 14 years of being highly active online i do indeed exist digitally and now what was once a joyous thing of a truly unique name, has become a curse.

but enough of that.

i have my left hand in a cast – from a simple fall. i am left handed. hence possibly poor sentence construction, typing and punctuation. the cast comes off queen’s b’day weekend, fortunate since that’s the week I head to Canberra to stalk a librarian and reacquaint with my birthplace, then flap my way up to Brisvegas to stay in gorgeous apartments (i wont link them in case you have horror stories to tell) and hang out with my bestest buddy and generally unwind.

and why would a girl like me need to unwind, you ask? well i’ve been doing two jobs since March – full time in my dream role of running a library website as well as liaising as Science Librarian. while doing my backup dream job of teaching at university. i must say it’s all a bit overwhelming with both jobs quite new, one arm and 16 assignments to mark!

but i’ve been taking the time to reflect just how i got here. from unemployed, hopeless, struggling with a direction, health threatening to pack in on me, to having a decent job that pays well and possibly even a career path. the answer is luck and parents who let me study in their house again. i feel i can no longer wear the title of ’slacker’. not that I ever did, i just felt deep down that I identified with the cynical generation x, and that that was where I would always belong in society. yet society has won. i fill a grown up role.

This isn’t really a problem for me, this has been a gradual change over the last 5 years. My only gripe is how time-poor I have become. plus the fractured wrist doesn’t help much with the creative endeavours… i have a lot more cash to spend on other’s creative endeavours though. and since I got a car last month (again the greenie within withers a little) i am able to listen to new music on the radio and learn that Ratatat and the YYYs both have new albums. And maybe even explore new stuff if i find time to get to Polyester and listen to Au Revoir Simone at length.

The car (second hand & fuel efficient) is amazing, i get a lot more done with the little time that is mine. I feel the conversion will be complete when my RRR-FM sticker arrives in the mail and gets slapped on my rear window proudly. I was able to fossick for shoes that are comfortable, jeans that fit, and discover after 15 long years the elusive long sleeve under shirt in a variety of colours, all due to my ability to travel from one shopping hive to another.

My newest obsession, is tied with my job: pop science books. I have now “The World Without Us” to read about how the earth would change if all humans disappeared today. In fact I have been lusting over about 15 of these books and borrowed another five that I have no time to read – hell i’m still stuck on page 30 of the latest Jasper Fforde (why is the cover so ugly?? and actally it seems he’s got a newer one out now “Shades of Grey”) i keep falling asleep after a couple of pages. This is what separation from public transport does to you.

These are some of the titles that caught my eye while fossicking the shopping hives:

 
[i've taken to taking photos of books with my cancermaker, so i can research later, since there are far too many to buy on the spot]

And before the next paragraph which many of you will resent me for and will give you that one final reason to quickly delete my feed, (at the very least for the overly long post!) I’ll tell you that I got a full legal copy of Adobe Master Collection CS3 thru work, extremely cheap, which makes my inner geek soar with delight – this blog is definitely due for a revamp this year! Don’t mention CS4 I’ll only snub you!

My final recent life revelation is that I have become a stricter vegetarian again after watching McLibel (by the way i’m not buying anything from amazon, just linking for convenience) and there was this section in which I watched cows and chickens being electrocuted, gassed, skinned, hung, burnt, and tossed away like so much garbage. It reminded me why I’m vegetarian, why i have been for 18 years – because I choose not to participate in such activities on a daily basis. While the rest of the world shuts their eyes and says “I don’t want to know”, they choose for this to continue to happen, they make it happen. And the next time I’m asked why I am vegetarian that will be my answer, not the palliatives I’ve been giving to make people feel comfortable around me, and comfortable with what they’re doing, yet they cannot bear to look at it, discuss it, or admit it.